A bunch of nut and goji berry

Hey, new number? how are you...? No, why? i am good. was furious to myself for being so drunk on Thursday night! managed the day ok but i am done with that shit. This is Elodie yes? seems like a different number.. yeah got wasted again on Friday. which i am also very annoyed with myself about.. Well i am an alcoholic and a drug addict I want to stop. and yes it is me and i actually going to change my number because some nasty ghosts are around me right now. i got cut Monday night and it was not as nice as with u! What do you mean cut?! you mean drunk? i've quit the drugs and want to stop the booze or at least just moderation... if you're interested i go to these meetings sometimes which i find so corny but they actually help. it's not AA which i find too complainy... Just came out from one at AA. help. cut into drugs. i hate what happens. i thought i was just going for dinner and it is 7 am and i am doing lines.. i need to change my numbers so they cannot reach me. they are evil! which meetings are you going? is it in Manhattan? Hey. sorry for the delay had to go out for a minute.. i know all about the 7 am business doing crack or coke or heroin or pills... one day i just thought: fuck this!! it's turning me into a prick. who knows... the meetings i go to are in Manhattan. i can email you the details if you like? Fuck this but i have been fucking trying for years but nothing sticks. trying sucks. i need better. i don't even become a prick. just a weird heartless junky. email me the info elodiechoufleur@aol.com. thanks. One time i was smoking crack with my buddy in London and we burned through so much money.. we were in this ladys disgusting place in dolphin sq., she only had one lung, was pathetic, used to be an aristocrat and had a retarded black boyfriend with a meat cleaver gaurding the door... at about 7 in the morning she freaked and started accusing us of stealing her crack and nearly died... was so so sad... done. but that's one of the the things i don't like about AA. sometimes it seems like a competition for people to tell the stories of horrible stuff. personally i don't want to talk about that stuff. it almost seems like bragging in AA sometimes. you know i rather talk about inspiring things like your trip to mongolia. I went to AA two years ago. wanted a normal life style. did not liked it. but now i want to brag. i took the microphone today at the meeting and i brag.. it felt good. and i am home and i don't want to drink. it is a good day. Whatever works honey. but it's not about all the crazy stories it's about how vacuous that life is.. i'm not William Borroughs but I've had my share.. i believe in truth and beauty and flowers that grow from the shit house remains.. Any way want to hear about yack cheede at the shaman? Yes. Hey your london story sounds discuting! Fucking horrible! that was only the beginning of the night or day whatever... but had much worse situations than that. that was tame. get a gmail account or skype and then we don't have to text back and forth just chat live online... Ok. i am putting my pyjama on and i check skype. (we chat for few hours on gmail. the next next morning:): Hey it's elodie. that my new number. i check the smart recovery meetings. i may go next Tuesday. they seems to have only meeting uptown. I think they still do meetings in Gramercy but will check.. i haven't been for 6 months I need to go.. I am going to Perry Street. i need to, if not i am going to do something stupid agin. it's summer it is so nice out.. You're going to the restaurant? it sucks..the Rusty Knot on west 11th is fun sometimes.. i'm starved for decent intellectual conversation. there's a lot of dumb people in this town.. No 50 Perry for AA. i need to hear myself again.. i am not dumb. then i am going to cook and go to the gym. i changed my number so all the morons are gone. Good work. I must take it seriously. before it is too late. just imagine a beautiful kid full of promise and happiness doing a line of coke and it make sense. U are not helping. it IS Hard, actually it is helping. i don't know.. i start i was 18. I was much younger than that... Babe i don't know what to say.. if you need to talk you know i will be around hopefully. I'm alright honey! but i always need to talk don't you. Not really, but i try to change. Isolation sucks! say hi to my old neighborhood for me! You don't know my real story and waht happens 4 years ago.. talking about isolation!! i was gone and no one to turn to, or i thought.any way i survive. I never claimed to know youe story. the world is strange. Things juts happens or happend? my english scks. any way i am not going to be a victim and pity myself. i am happy right now. hey great neighborhood!! (next day) Hey ya doing? I am great! went out last night after the meeting and just enjoy the great weather. talks. and water. good day at work too. and u? I'm alright. a little lonely.. ha ha! What that suppose to mean? Nothing other than waht it means. Ah. I'm listening to really beautiful music though so that's good.. ahh Taverner. he's the best. You are home? Of course i never go out on Friday. There is a gallery opening just downstair my street.. hum looks ok. I love gallery openings.. they r so optimistic. What i meant is what the "ha ha" means? I don't know hon.. it means i want to play chess. Sounds like you anyway. Ha ha wanna go to my club. have you had supper? dinner at my club and then walk in the park is sort of unmissable. (we speak on the phone. make a date. he felt asleep) U are way to fucked up for me. do me a big favor and don't reach me anymore. Sorry. Was wasted last night.. need to go to those meetings..(late that night) I'm lonely need some company.. Poor loulou!! yeah poor me. wanna help me hang monkey? No. Come on ..come over. i'll be nice promise. Ah yes and what are you going to do for me?? Tickle your little belly.. please come over el. i feel really rotten. Do you want to grab a coffee? No!!! i want you to come over here and pretend that you are Sean Young in Blade runner.. can you do that? But then we can dance after... And you pretend you are the plumber. No i would be the most important man you'd ever met .. and you would have 80's shoulder pads.. plumbers are quite intellignt. And then??? And the we dance to leonard Cohen because he is beautiful .. and we talk about stupid stuff.. Ah. i rather see a good old movie. But then we love on my doggie sam because he is a little babe.. And thene ating something good and them make love. Want me to have you picked up? you know i watched some like it hot tonight!! it's so good! but i have only bad food here..I am watching a french dvd right now. sorry but i am going to sleep after. Give us your address and i'll send a cabbioe.. but only if you promise to laugh with me..! Too bad loulou!! Ha ha i'm not as fragile as you think! Thanks for telling me! i will have come tonight because i thought you are fragile. Well come then. Too late for me. But that doesn't mean i want you beeting on me ell.. ?? Come to brooklyn. what's you problem? ok!! we will make out and rub each other! is that ok? Great!! you are so sexy! So you don't want me to send cabs? should i just do it! i want you here...xo so you don't want me to send cabs? should i just do it! please come around. why aren't you here?? (next afternoon) Hey wanna grab a coffee? Ha ha i'm hanging with some friends.. i sure did need a coffee this morning though! U sure know how to beg:) Ha ha very embarasing! No need to be. wanna go to a museum? What today? No i thought checking some after my riding tomorrow in Brooklyn. any thing good? It's Ghada Amer at Brooklyn Museum which i haven't seen yest but it's closed on Monday. Where you riding? Shit nothing open tom? Riding at Kensington stables. Nope. Huh i wasn't aware of those stables.. it is decent riding or just trail ride style? Both. (days later) Are you well? did you go to one of those meetings? I am doing pretty well. still sober. went to meetings. staying busy with activities and with good friends. but hey it is not so easy. i need all the help i can get. and you? I need all the help i can get too! i think my nature is very good i just get.. i am glad you are doing those meetings el. good work!x What kind of help do you need? Oh you know just with life and stuff. Ha that's vague.. We all need help no? Me i need help right now a lot! Let's help each other and be good people. i mean that not cynical. did you go to smart or AA? Both. and yesterday i used tools from smart! thanks because around 8 i wanted to drink and not drinking became less important.. how come!! and AA because it reminds me how alcohol is not glamourous. Good. It so isn't glamourous. just tasty. Hey danny devito is seating just next to me. do you want to stop drinking? the pinguoin. Ha ha .. say hi from me. no i just want to stop being an asshole. Yep. Do you remember calling Julia a cunt? Julia who? Julia Riverside. I've called loads of people cunts. Well not me i hope!! What!!! i love Julia.. and she knows it. That's gossip.. You said that to me. That's bullshit i would never call Julia a cunt... aside from that it's an english thing.. i call my best mates cunts all the time to their face.. its like the white version of nigger. i don't do that any more though now that i'm back in America! Hey don't call me a bullshit. You were a dick that night anyway. Ok i may have been a dick but i would never call Julia a cunt. i wouldn't call you a cunt either unless you did something to deserve it. and by the way you described yourself to me as a "cunt" to your ex. are you trying to figure out why paul is mad at me? What?? i was not a cunt to my ex!! you misunderstood me maybe. but it is old story.. and paul is not mad at you!! why are you saying that?? You told me that paul thought i was bad news that night we went to little italy. you did say that but i hate this whole thing of quoting people when they are drunk. don't you? i mean i've said all sorts of stuff i don't mean when i'm drunk. He said you are an alcohol. never said bad news. Why did you say u called Julia a cunt? i love Julia don't be evil. U may have run into Paul drunk.. hon you did say oaul cheval gallery is shit and i said even Julia? and you said she is a cunt.. and then u laught.. i believe i hang up. Big deal!! We're all alcoholics just some of us are more honest than others. i love paul i already told you that. ilove all of you there. i've never done anything but show my support for what is happening there. ok but if we were both drunk isn't it possible that things were said that had absolutely meaning whatsoever? I know. no problem. keep the love. paul forgot he even said that! i know him. that is why i do not want to drink anymore. i mean what i say now and do what i mean. El, i think you are totally awaesome and i totally support what you are doing. we just suffer from this aristo type thing of self anhialination. but please i really can't think of myself calling Julia a cunt.. that is horrific! she is so lovely. i will keep the live hon...x will always keep the love... I was sober that is why i remember. it was of course more fun for me when i was drunk too. Ok you know me a little. from what you know would i ever say that and mean it? julia knows i love her.. i didn't totally love the show though! ha ha... Of course not. i will not contact you if i thought you are saying that and meaning it. i mean you say stuff that are funny. any shows you like today? Good. so if you want one of those monkey pictures i fuckin love mine! ther might be one available.. I like it but not crazy.. after all i don't look like a monkey. i am tired. i need a massage. I didn't back to school today.. too much work. filming all week end and then doing LES on sunday. and the off to London on tuesday party madness though right now.. only ones i'm interested in are 100 Lafayette tomorrow night and then that shit bar home on Sunday eve.. see drunk talk. when you saw my monkey picture you were like: i want it1"x Of course i want it! but doesn't mean i am buying it. see what ?! thanks! what LES? 100 Lafayette is it santa house? Yes spencers place. The next passerby and lower east side stuff... well there really is an extra monkey. i want to keep it but.. How much? Ho wmuch you want it? i mean i had to do a portrait to get mine.. ha ha.. I am going to check santa for lucie bagues after party or will mutton. a portrait i don't do that. i am seing lucinda show sunday in LES after counrty stuff. with jason. i don't remember the name of the gallery. Oh. i love lucinda and jason. she's so beautiful. plus let's not forget that Brazil is totally happening.. Yes cool.. Are you still at dinner? Yes. Where did you go? Le Zie. Have you been to Apotheke yet? What's apotheke? Well let's get on chat thing.. these texts costs money!! new place.. Are you there? No!!! at home.. missed back to school day. Oh back to school!! well how about a diner with brian zbig:-) well it is same old same smiles. When? i know you fancy him..i don't know him. get on line so we can text but not on the phone. (i called he picked up i walked home. tooks more than 1 hour) Come over. Another time. (end of the night. ) morning: Hey what is your address ( he complained he never received our invitations anymore). (a month later) Hey what sup you? any good stories to tell:-)e. ( a week later) Hello my friend are you well?X (next day) (him again) Hey what's up. Good. what's up with you. Been away for a month.. just got back. How wsas London? Amazing. How amazing. Bug dick amazing. Paris was good too! You were in Paris. Fucking around. Ha ha .. I've been to paris like 20 times at least. i love it there.. Paris is the best bitch. Like filthy black whore? discusting black hooker? No. that's London. Ha ha or brooklyn.. You know better tha me. I am more Scores and blond russian. Are you well sweat heart?X Sweet sweat whatever. What you do in Paris? where? St Germaine...writing about shows.. Saint Germain. big dick amazing. Big fucking dick and hairy pussy.. faggot faggot faggot. jizz all over some sweet boobs. What mean jizz? Ha ha... ! can't you tell i'm wasted? Somethings never change. which shows in Paris you wrote about. What do you care? Because i do. I care about it. about shows and art and critics and people and Paris and everything that make me feel good. Good answer!!! that makes me want to fuck you! Sober? Ha ha .. what do you think? I think it betterbe fucking great. Ha. what? dont't drink el you've been doing great. It was a joke!! i am still sober. Cool. well done.x You are not fun. So sue me. But you're right i'm not a faggot. What? He he he.. I am thinking about having sex sober. Sex rules.. Or not having sex at all. yes hugging and kissing also rules. it feels good. So you did not tell me which shows you reviewed in Paris? Guy de Cointet Blandine Von Rulgen and Mimi Fuller. Which galleries are they showing. mimi Fuller seems cool. so you are not a faggot? Hi el. i need to stop drinking! are you going to those meetings? sorry for the delay was doing a studio visit. Von Rulgen @ baline feiger and Guy de Cointet at air de paris. I got a sponsor. magali. she is great. she is a stewardess to rome on continental i went to meeting sunday morning. her home meeting is SOS. they do meditations as well. i did not go back to Smart. Too far. i don't miss at all drinking. went out. had a great time. i enjoyed seeing people drinking having fun being drunk fucked up annoying then gone. i am realizing more and more what i want to do in this life. but fuck i am SO stress. instead of that easy sleazy glass of white i text:-) What do you want to do in life? I want to write. What kind? My generation. sacrified. under the equality of sex that make men faggot.. ha ha. so tell me more about you. seriously why this faggot idea came in your head? Ha. interesting. am i subject? Any good subject will be called again. Ha it's just a fun word to say and type. it's so funny saying it, no? very childish. mens studies has replaced womens studies at university. men are the new women. I wax you anytime. Ha. i really want to be a good person. Like staying at home with the children kind of good? Like that's my mission in life. Ye and mine is to undress and show my ass to any asshole that ask for it. No! don't be silly. you're a good person. Good inside bad somewhere but where. It's the drinking. that's part of being good. If i could see them all the way they act speak think then i could know me? that make no sense. Nothing makes much sense. Drinking just put things out. the drinking out i am alone trying to find a way not to lie to myself when the same desir to reach out arrive. the truth is i am scared. I'm probably not the best person to know for a while but i'll be at the gallery and stuff are you ok with that? are we friends? we all are. I don't know. I'm your friend, but does this mean i can't come to the gallery for a while? maybe we need a meeting.